Denis

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Denis,

I cannot believe that after almost a full year, I have come to a realization of what I believe your unthinkable motivations have been. When you wrote those two horrific, slanderous and hurtful letters to me, we all suspected that there was some ulterior motive for your completely unprovoked and unwarranted attacks.

Like a light bulb that was just turned on, it came to me this morning. You don't want to leave your marriage with the burdensome "baggage" of four "step"children and eight "step"grandchildren (who, of course, in their whole lives don't know you as anything but their "Poppie"). That means that you'd have to continue to attend awkward holiday gatherings and events that you don't care to share, and show an interest in ours lives, which I'm not sure you really ever had time for anyway. I realize that this would also pose a personal problem, and be a thorn in your side, beginning to date, and start a new life with all of these souvenirs from your "0ld life."

I now feel certain that your thoughts were to attack the "mother hen" of the group, and offend everyone in the process, assuming that no one would bother to make it right (you were right, except for Kent, who is totally dedicated to defending my honor and the loyalty of "family," which you seem to have no concept of), and we would simply write you off.

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In this scenario, we cut ties with you, rather than you dumping us, which is the reality of it all. This is the ulterior motive that I mentioned before, but was never sure of. This way you look better to your friends and family, the injured one. The truth is that we have tried numerous times to make things right with you and include and keep you in our lives. I now realize why you have been so resistant. You don't want it!

That is fine, but take responsibility for it. Don't make it seem as if it were our decision. If you don't have any more love and loyalty towards this group of 1 people after thirty-four years of sharing our lives, I feel sorry for you, and hope that you can live with yourself. In the past, I have been told countless number of times, how lucky we are that you came into our lives, and did so much for us. And I give you credit for a lot. Well let me tell you; I now realize that you are the lucky one to have had us in your life for all of these years. I am certain that we gave much more towards the fulfillment of your life than you brought to ours with your absenteeism.

What I don't understand is why you weren't man enough to just admit all of this in the beginning rather than using the false guise of attempting to make me feel like I (1) had been responsible in some way for helping to break up your marriage, and () that I am less of a person that I am. Your words were very hurtful to me for a long time, but apparently that was a sacrifice that you were willing to make to rid this "monkey from your back."

In my mind, I cannot rationalize such thinking and can't imagine that it would be so easy for you to cut all ties from us after so many years and memories, but you have done it before with family. Apparently you are well practiced and don't have a problem with it. I am very sorry for the relationships that have suffered; my family and Virginia, Bud, Carroll and their family, and the strain it has put on Amy, Dan and us. I don't think it is fair that you have put us all in this odd position, but I do think that I am finally clear on your motives. Congratulations, Denis, you've gotten what you want. Nice Job!

It is ironic that this morning I lay awake, turning the events of the last year in my mind, finally feeling clear as to what has happened, and it is Father's Day. I don't know what to say, except that it makes me extremely sad.

I hope for the best in your life, Denis.

Debbie

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